MY OWN PRISON

Without a warning it comes flying-
And when it strikes my world changes,
all reason left behind
Without a warning it comes flying-
and its to late to resist it for my fate is sealed
And I know... My heart's no longer mine

Just like an arrow through my heart
A feeling so strong
A scarlet fever burns my soul
From this moment on

Can't shake this fever from my mind
It burns away all that has passed
And draws me to her side
"A direct hit" the cupid smiles...
Wounded, I fall into delirium
And I know... my heart's no longer mine

You took my hand
You showed me how
You promised me you'd be around
Uh huh ...That's right
I took your words
And I believed
In everything
You said to me
Yeah huh ....That's right

If someone said three years from now
You'd be long gone
I'd stand up and punch them out, and

Cause they're all wrong
That last kiss
I'll cherish
Until we meet again
And time makes
It harder
I wish I could remember
But I keep
Your memory
You visit me in my sleep
My darling
Who knew
My darling
My darling
Who knew
My darling
I miss you
My darling
Who knew
Who knew

I know better
Cause you said forever
And ever
Who knew

Remember when we were such fools
And so convinced and just too cool
Oh no
No no
I wish I could touch you again
I wish I could still call you friend
I'd give anything

When someone said count your blessings now
'fore they're long gone
I guess I just didn't know how
I was all wrong
They knew better
Still you said forever
And ever
Who knew

Yeah yeah
I'll keep you locked in my head
Until we meet again
Until we
Until we meet again
And I won't forget you my friend
What happened

If someone said three years from now
You'd be long gone
I'd stand up and punch them out
Cause they're all wrong and
That last kiss
I'll cherish
Until we meet again
And time makes
It harder
I wish I could remember
But I keep
Your memory
You visit me in my sleep
My darling
Who knew
My darling
My darling
Who knew
My darling
I miss you
My darling
Who knew
Who knew

My name is Becky ...

So what else do you need to know?
Shit about my family ... my friends ...
Where I grew up or where I am about to go? ...

None of that shit matters,

Every morning we wake up not knowing
if we're going to make it through the day.
We've all thought about crossing the line.
Just letting go and cutting loose.
I was looking for something different ... exciting ...
Something a lot more dangerous.

After 15 years of my life, just sitting around ...
Building up my hate and anger.
I touched down in some sort of hell.

All of a sudden, shit started to make sense.

* Never refuse an invitation
* Never resist the unfamiliar
* Never fail to be polite ... and
* Never, ever out stay your welcome

Just keep your mind open and grab all the experience that you can.

And if it hurt ... It was probably worth it !!

I ain't no thug. I don't listen to rap
Everyone know's that I'm fucked and whacked!

My names Becky, better known as Vandal,
there's never been shit that I couldn't handle.
been through some hard shit but never ran from it.
Every drug in the book, I've done it.
I sold crack and I've smoked it.
I ain't proud but at least I can admit it.
These drugs had made me delirious
Fucked to the point that this shit got serious.
I was just curious, my shits deleterious.

The struggles got hard, the road got narrow.
Wanted to wrap my lips around this cold hard barrel.

It's a fucked up world that we live in.
It's cruel and unforgivin ...
Like me ... Come to me, shake like a drug fiend.
Withdrawl ... 8-ball and a short straw.
Desperate for another hit ... I supply this shit.
8-ball .. you crawl down the hall
Found you O.D.'d in the bathroom stall. Bitch, it ain't my fault.
once again I rise above all.

I'll make you think, I'm worth your while.
I'm cute, blond hair, blue eyes and an innocent smile.
The kind of look you can't help but believe ...
But looks can decieve ...
I'll tell you lies and break your heart
And still you think I'm that girl you can't live without.

I'm short tempered and it's one-on-one.
You tried to end this but it's just begun.
Around here they know I fight for fun.
Rollin with the Scab Scrappers since 2001.

Sic Boi, if I got your back then you best have mine.
When shit goes down, would you lay yourself on the line?
We're in this together and everything is gonna be just fine.
To all the cowards in the world, don't waste my time!

It's 3 am and we're still drinkin whiskey
Stay back ' casue me and Sic get way pass tipsy.
Street Infantry ... Organized crime? Yah, my whole crew's ugly
But we still have the most drugs, the most money ...
It's so funny!
How you hate my fuckin guts,
but at the same time, love me!!

YOU SAY IT HOW ITS " "GONNA BE" I SAY IT HOW IT "WILL BE" " ...

It's time to weed out the weak, do away with their lives
I see it so clear now, through my open eyes
Stood by your side, you put a knife in my back
Never ever thought it'd be you who would do me like that
But we live and we learn, or so it's said
One thing about you, I can't wait till you're dead
The mistakes I've made won't happen again
Keep my enemies closer than I keep my friends

It's got me fucked up, I just can't let it go
Will we ever be the same? Well my answer is no
Think about your death every goddamn day
Wanna know what I think? This is what I must say
I say we line 'em all up, then we gun 'em all down
Then we all celebrate when they all hit the ground
Don't wake up now, it's gonna be too late
Don't give me that shit about cleaning the slate
You've been at it too long, all your life that I've checked
Now your time's almost up with a noose on your neck
Smile in my face, better watch your back
Two-faced motherfucker gets both jaws cracked

If you don't stand for nothing I can't really stand behind you
Who knew you withdrew your point of view
I lost mine, you cry and whine all the time
And I cant stand aside or anywhere near you
I'd get in check, you're a wreck, no respect,
In effect you elect me to fuckin' hate you
I'll break you down on the ground, I've found
You're a clown, I'm around, you want war? I'll take you
Stand aside, take a ride, I won't try, you're a lie, my lyrical lesson will teach you
So take a stand if you can, my man, go where I stand, I'll hold my land
But in the real world you get squashed and then stung
Get hit bitch, slit, aw then you get hung
in a fantasy all day long, it must be so fun being so fucking dumb

[Chorus]

[chorus:]

1,2,3,4,5,6,7
no one here's gonna get to go to heaven
no one here's gonna get to go to heaven
no one here's gonna get to go to heaven

the first one to speak, be the first one to leave,
get your loved ones gagged and bound in bed sheets.
six deep, full heap, best be quick on the draw,
you's a snitch, you's a bitch, you get left where you are.
i roll with killa's who got strikes, dealers who catch cases,
Skinheads and Mohicans, tattoos on their faces.
bring it 'til you're dead, bass it, get to bumping your gun,
all these cowards talk shit, all these cowards gonna run.
i'm not one, not my cards, not the hand i was dealt,
it all goes down, you only go for yourself.
not me, i can't call it, i'd die for the team,
smoking sacks in the shack, getting high with the team.
let it fly with the beam, infra-red on your head,
every last muthafucka wanna leave me for dead.
can't be happy that i'm living, you pray that i fall,
but i'm a dead man walking, i ain't living at all!

[chorus]

all the time that you hate, it's time that you waste,
wake up soaking wet with a 9 to your face.
in any case, hit the brakes, you're doing too much,
my heart's blacker than the clip in the grip that i clutch.
who wants what? it goes down, right here in your town,
i swear to god i'm not laughing, with a permanent frown.
don't make a sound, i spit rounds, leave your dick in the dirt,
shotgun, with the shotgun aimed at your heart.
it gets worse, i been cursed, smash your life like a verse,
we blast, ski mask, when we touching the turf.
nobody came to talk, ain't nobody playing games,
kicking everybody's ass, crossed out everybody's name.
fucken lame that's how it goes, fuck wax and fuck shows,
fuck the track, fuck the mic', fuck hoes and fuck foes!
do yourself a favor and keep your thoughts to yourself,
i'm selling drugs to my label and my neighbors for wealth, without help.

[chorus]

not taking shit from anybody, leaving spouses in tears,
you'll get mangled if we tangle, i'll be pounding the beer.
3 cheers, who got next? let's go, you get stomped,
anytime, any place, any weapon that you want.
hold your tongue son, you slip, you get fucked,
at your show in the parking lot fighting, won't take long.
leave your whole gash flapping, know why it has happened,
i love to watch you fall like Freeman loves watching Patton.
what the fuck? i rather die then live to please you,
keeping company with thugs and drugs and heat too.
speed bump, head slice, we ain't traveling light,
as i hit the dipstick, bring a tear to my eye.
i stay high, do or die, finding peace with myself,
you live a lie, run and hide, die with everyone else.
fuck the world, kill 'em all, and this you can trust,
cause muthafuckas hit the dirt when muthafuckas hit the dust.

[chorus]


+++++++++++++++++++

You stand by me
I stand by you
If there is a fight I'm the one to come to
Good and bad, times we've been through
You got my back and I got yours too
All of my life you are in my crew
I'd do anything for you
Beat someone black and blue
Black and blue I would do it for you

+++++++++++++++++++

Nah, I wont listen because I've only been lied to,
I got a few common enemies and still I despise you,
It's a cold mission, they pull up beside you,
In your own territory, and leave something inside you,
A wise man once told me: "People are strange",
I'm a stranger in a strange land, strange as the days
Yeah I'm nice with the grouping, I stay at the range,
38 to the 40 cal, A to the K

I'm supposed to be the soldier, who never blows her composure
Even though I held the weight of the whole world on my shoulders
I am never supposed to show it, my crew ain't supposed to know it
Even if it means goin' toe to toe with someone much stronger then me,  it don't matter
I'd never drag them in battles that I can't handle unless I absolutely have to
I'm supposed to set an example ... for the crew

I need to be the leader, my crew looked for me to guide 'em
If some shit ever just pop off, I'm supposed to be beside 'em
That Spyder shit I tried to squash it, it was too late to stop it
There's a certain line you just don't cross and he crossed it
I heard him say Ki`s name, dissed him and I just lost it
It was crazy, this shit went way beyond some White and Black shit

And even though the battle was won, I feel like we lost it
I spent too much energy on it, honestly I'm exhausted
And I'm so caught in it I almost feel I'm the one who caused it
This ain't why I started the crew, it's not why I got in it
 It was never my object for someone to get killed
Why would I wanna destroy something I help build
It wasn't my intentions, my intentions were good
I went through all those years without ever mentionin' ____.

Now it's just out of respect for not runnin' my mouth
And talkin' about something that I knew nothing about
Plus Lucian told me stay out, this just wasn't my beef
So I did, I just fell back, watched and gritted my teeth
While he's downtown talkin' shit about a man who literally saved my life
Like fuck it I understand - this is business
And this shit just isn't none of my business
But still knowin' this shit could pop off at any minute cuz

There used to be a time when you could just say a rhyme
And wouldn't have to worry about one of your people dyin'
But now it's elevated cuz once you put someone's dead friend in it
The shit gets escalated, it ain't just words no more is it?
It's a different ball game, callin' names and you ain't just rappin'
We actually tried to stop the Sic Boi and Stage Boi beef from happenin'
Me and Ki had sat with him, kicked it and had a chat with him
And asked him not to start it he wasn't gonna go after him
Until Tommy started yappin' on the streets how we stabbed him
Fuck it Sic Boi smash 'em, mash 'em and let him have it

Meanwhile my attention is pullin' in another direction
Some lil fucker from the south section
Has an erection for me and thinks that I'll be his resurrection
But now he's fucked the game up cuz one of the ways I came up
Was through that dark path, the same one that made me famous
Now the leader of it has got a grudge against me for nothin'
Well fuck it, that motherfucker can get it too, fuck him then

I'm so busy being pissed off I don't stop to think
That we just inherited Sic's beef with G.M.I.
And he's inherited mine which is fine ain't like either of us mind
We still have soldiers that's on the front line
That's willing to die for us as soon as we give the orders
Never to extort us, strictly to show they support us
We'll maybe shout 'em out in a rap or up in a chorus
To show them we love 'em back and let 'em know how important it is
To have Barton Avenue soldiers up in our corners
Their loyalty to us is worth more than any award is
But I ain't tryin to have none of my people hurt and murdered
It ain't worth it, I can't think of a perfecter way to word it
Then to just say that I love ya'll too much to see the virdict
I'll walk away from it all before I let it go any further
But don't get it twisted, it's not a plea that I'm coppin'
I'm just willin' to be the bigger girl
If ya'll can quit poppin' off at your jaws well then i can
Cause frankly I'm sick of talkin'
I'm not gonna let someone else's coffin rest on my conscience cause...

I HATE EVERYTHING RIGHT NOW.

I JUST CAN'T SEEM TO GET MY LIFE BACK ON TRACK.  I KEEP FUCKING THINGS UP.  I DON'T THINK CLEARLY, MY HEAD ALWAYS HURTS AND I SEEM TO ALWAYS SAY STUPID SHIT.  THINGS THAT MAKE SENSE TO ME IN MY HEAD DON'T COME OUT RIGHT AND IT JUST STARTS ARGUMENTS WITH ADAM.   HE THINKS THAT I AM LYING OR START TO CHANGE MY STORY.  I DON'T.  I'M JUST STUPID NOW..

I LIKE ODIN THOUGH ...HE'S CUTE.  AT FIRST I DIND'T LIKE HIM, HE PISSED ME OFF TOO MUCH.  NOW HE'S A GREAT DOG.  HE'S MY COMFORT BLANKET.  ALWAYS HELPS ME GET OVER MY STUPIDNESS.
YAY ODDDDDDDDDDDDDIN!!!! :-)

Woo !....

I'm ahead, I'm a man
I'm the first mammal to wear pants, yeah !
I'm at peace with my lust
I can kill 'cause in God I trust, yeah

It's evolution, baby

I'm at peace, I’m the man
Buying stocks on the day of the crash
On the loose, I'm a truck
All the rolling hills, I’ll flatten’ em out, yeah !
It's herd behavior, uh huh ...

It's evolution, baby

Admire me, admire my home
Admire my song, here's my coat
Yeah, yeah !
This land is mine, this land is free
I'll do what I want but irresponsibly

It's evolution, baby !!!!

I'm a thief, I'm a liar
There's my church, I sing in the choir:
**hallelujah… hallelujah…**

Admire me, admire my home
Admire my song, admire my clothes
'Cause we know, appetite for a nightly feast
Those ignorant Indians got nothin' on me
Nothin', why?
Because,

it's evolution, baby!

I am ahead, I am advanced
I am the first mammal to make plans, yeah
I crawled the earth, but now I'm higher
Twenty-ten, watch it go to fire

It's evolution, baby !!
It's evolution, baby !!

Do the evolution !
Come on, come on, come on

ok get it through your fuckin heads
there is no such thing as god or christ
theres no misilile no fuckin
no fuckin wife
no spirit no after life
no heaven no hell
and no silly fuckin satan
there is only danger
there is only the mind
you are your own god
you are in control of your own destiny
if you fuck up, you redeem yourself
you control your fate
if you act like a fucking nigger then your future will be just like that
get that fuckin beer can out of your hand and stop fucking around
get your fucking act together the more time you waste being drunk and stupid
the more useless you become to resistance
and we dont stand for useless fucks
we'll take you done like a ton of fucking bricks.
take your booze and your heavy metal racket and get the fuck out
straighten up or you will be walking ...walking the fuckin plank
now back to the jew bible
its time to get your fuckin head sout of the clouds
deannounce jesus christ
reject christiantity
and all those religion
its 100% pure fiction
lies, fuckin lies
remember, christ is a crutch
and society is crippled
society is fuckin fucked
so kick that right crutch from the bastard
spliter it off and break it apart
smash your jew bible into 6 million peices
cast it into the flames ..into the fire
burn baby burn watch it burn fuckin burn
jesus christ never fuckin existed
he's a freud
there's only adolf hitler
thats right ...adolf hitler
he's the closest thing that ever comes close to a fuckin god
we know hitler existed
we know he's real and we know he was right.
hitler was right, hitler was right.
seig fuckin heil
your jew god cannot be documented
he can not be verified
he's a middle eastern myth
an dyou're fuckin stupid enough to believe that
your faith is dliusional
infact the mental istitutions are literally overflowing with jesus freaks
don't be one of them
boycott jews
burn your bible
and walk away from the church
thats rigth we're athiest racist
we reject your jew god
you people have become a polution
we are hear to elevate the fuckin race
evolution
this is the new fuckin racism
so fuck you and fuck your jew god
we hail hitler and we hail aids
this is the new fuckin racism
so fuck you

I read something on an online newspaper and I thought of us.
I dont know it really made me sad after I finished reading it.
Here's part of the article:

:::: Thomas and Jackie Hawks fought their captors to the bitter end and, in a moment of tenderness, managed to hold hands before an anchor dragged them to the bottom of the sea. ::::


:-(

I think that would be something I (we) would do.

Now I'm sad thinking about what they must have went through

fuck everything

You are wrong, fucked, and overrated
I think Im gonna be sick and its your fault
This is the end of everything ...
You are the end of everything ...
I havent slept since I woke up
And found my whole life was a lie, motherfucker
This is the end of everything
YOU ARE THE END OF EV-ER-Y-THING

Shallow skin, I can paint with pain
I mark the trails on my arms with your disdain
Everyday its the same - I love, you hate
But I guess I dont care any more...
Fix my problems with the blade
While my eyes turn from blue to gray
God, the worst thing happened to me today
But I guess I dont care anymore...

You are wrong, fucked, and overrated
I think Im gonna be sick and its your fault
This is the end of everything
You are the end of everything
I havent slept since I woke up
And found my whole life was a lie, motherfucker
This is the end of everything
YOU ARE THE END OF EV-ER-Y-THING

My flaws are the only thing left thats pure
Cant really live, cant really endure
Everything I see reminds me of him
God I wish I didnt care anymore
The more I touch, the less I feel
Im lying to myself that its not real
Why is everybody making such a big fucking deal?
Im never gonna care anymore

What the hell am I doing?
Is there anyone left in my life?
What the fuck was I thinking?
Anybody want to tell me Im fine?
Where the hell am I going?
Do I even need a reason to hide?
I am only betrayed
I am only conditioned to die

1
2
3
4
5
6-6-6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13

- line erased -

i'll be an enemy of this world until the day i fucking die.

i am of the mind and the opinion that if something doesn't accept you...
you do everything in your power to
- line erased -
i don't care if it's the world, society,
your family, my family or a fucking high school keg party.
- line erased -
you do everything you can to hit back...and strike back.
just let go of some of that fucking hatred, bottled up.
i wanna poison this world the way it fucking poisoned me.
rape the fuckin people who fuckin raped me.

i'm gonna do everything ...
EVERYTHING in my power to corrupt, to twist, to
destroy, to rip apart, to torture!
- line erased -
- line erased -
- line erased -
i'm gonna spit my last breath in all your faces.
and in the end you're gonna hear me laughing.
- line erased -
This pain has becomes pure hatred,
the hatred just fuckin burns.
- line erased -
- line erased -
i have had enough of this bullshit.


fuck you.
this is all about revenge you fucks.

sat in a room,
with a square the color of blood.
he'd rule the whole world,
if there was a way that he could.
he sit and he'd stare,
and the remnants on top of the towers.
for he was a beast,
as he hatched his new plans to gain power

and the snow fell - coverin the dreams and ideals
and the snow fell - freezin the blood and the wills
and the snow fell - they had to keep warm for survival
and the snow fell - and defeated the beasts on arrival

took the old roads that Neapolitan had takin before
they fought as the forces of light against
the darkness of evil in a holy war
one day they were look around as the sun was shinin over cold flowers
the next day they were freezin to death in the snow and ice cold showers

and the snow fell - coverin the dreams and ideals
and the snow fell - freezin the blood and the wills
and the snow fell - they had to keep warm for survival
and the snow fell - and defeated the beasts on arrival

then came the deadly roll-back from the steps of their retreat
the cold ached their bodies but the worst was the pain of defeat
many people who had hailed them once now turned and looked away
these people know knew that the beast was on his way

and the snow fell - coverin the dreams and ideals
and the snow fell - freezin the blood and the wills
and the snow fell - they had to keep warm for survival
and the snow fell - and defeated the beasts on arrival

and the snow fell - coverin the dreams and ideals!
and the snow fell - freezin the blood and the wills!
and the snow fell - they had to keep warm for survival!
and the snow fell - and defeated the beasts on arrival!!!


YOU FINALLY CAME BACK TO THE BORDERS OF YOUR FATHERLAND!
NOW ENEMIES CANE, DEAD IS EVERYWHERE AT HAND!
MANY PEOPLE WHO HAD FOUGHT AND DIED, KNOWING THAT THEY HAD TO WIN!!

AND IT STILL SICKENS MY HEART TO SEE THE PICTURE OF THE RED FLAG IN BERLIN!

and the snow fell - coverin the dreams and ideals
and the snow fell - freezin the blood and the wills
and the snow fell - had to keep warm for survival
and the snow fell - and defeated the beasts on arrival

DEFEATED THE BEASTS ON ARRIVAL

"Sex always has consequences.
When Hitler's mother spread her legs that night, she effectively canceled out the spreading of fifteen to twenty million other pairs of legs.


Cloistered .. in a shell, of white
the lovers .. knew, no dare
Cloistered .. when the scent .. seemed right
to reach .. to touch .. and care

'How, often?' did his, hands entice
'How, often?' did he, tease
'How, often?' was she, portioned right
to give back .. as she .. pleased

'What, madness?' drove them .. to the edge
'What, caramelized?' their, dreams
'What, fractured .. fates?' of 'Foolishness'
did crawl up .. through .. the seams

'Where flaming, passions?'.. cursed .. the two
'Were bow, with arrow(s) .. 'Dipped?'
who's loving .. passions .. only, new
could, take them .. on this .. trip.





LOVE YOU SO MUCH